The God of Graham Crackers

This is where my toe went into the bike pedal and pulled my nail all the way back and it bled and my grandma told me "it's okay' and I pushed those words down my leg and into my toe.

It was morning. I heard my dad leave for work. The blankets on my mom's bed were white, like outside was.

It is new years day. I don't understand. "See this," she says. "This is a calendar. But this calendar is over. But now we are on a new calendar."

"Don't eat graham crackers in the bed," she says.

"Why not?" I say.

"You'll get crumbs all over the bed," she says.

"No I won't," I say.

Why would I want crumbs in the bed, I think.

We're taking the train to the Y.

There is a boy and he has a tin full of paper pieces. They are his medicine. He eats one. "Which ninja turtle are you?" asks another boy. We want to be the same one, and we can be. I run to my base that is a cubby hole.

There is a girl who I want to kiss me. I lay my hand on the table, with my face turned the other way. She kisses my hand. "Oh, gross," I say.

My grandma is telling me about Noah's arc. There was a TV show about how they found Goliath's skull, with the rock in his brain where he killed him, I say to her reassuringly.

There is a boy in my class who is the funniest. I want to be funny, I decide. I can be funny if I want to.

I'm eating graham crackers in my mom's bed.

The girl I like sits next to me in the cafeteria and I slide down the bench, as far away as I can get. She scoots toward me. She kisses my shoe.

We're hidden, in one of the play rooms at the Y. We're hugging she has her legs wrapped around my waist. We tuck our heads into the nooks of each other's necks. Her chin is resting on my back. I squeeze her in my arms. There is a snake and it's killing us.

I'm going over to the girl's house. I feel like I might throw up. The teacher asks me what's wrong. I cry. I tell the teacher what. After class, we are in her playroom. She has a streetlight hanging in one corner. There is a floor-mat that looks like a city from a picture from an airplane.

The inside of my grandma's car is all red. The seatbelt pulls against my neck. We're pulled over. I'm standing on the seat. I'm looking out the back window, at the buildings of the city. I throw up.

The door is locked. There is a boy with his tongue in my belly button. If I don't put my tongue in his belly button, I'll lose.

I'm at my friend's house. We watch a movie in her basement. The furniture looks old. "Her family is poor," I think. She lets me look in her "look and find: lion king' book. She shows me a video of her family exploring a cave. I think, "I've never been in a cave."

One of our new kittens has had a heart attack and died. My mom tells me in the kitchen, crying.

I'm lying on a table in the doctor's office. The table is a lot bigger then I am. There is a woman. She is my doctor. She is forceful and fast and puts her hand in my underpants.

I'm wrapped in the blankets that fall over the edge of the bed. The hard wood floor is cool and the morning light is made into shapes as it passes through the stuffing of the white comforter.

I let the girl who kisses everyone at recess catch me. She kisses my neck. A week later, we are talking about making shapes with string with our hands. I yell at her in my head. "Don't you remember that you kissed me?!"

It's mid-day and we're walking back to the car from the movie theatre. My grandma is laughing at something I had said during the movie. My grandma understands that I am funny.

I tell my mom I will pay her back for the ninja turtles coloring book. We get home and I put it at the bottom of the toy box where I hope she will forget that I am supposed to pay for it.

The girl in "the secret garden' gets soap in her eyes and it looks like the worst. I imagine there is a door to a garden in my room, and it is hidden behind my giant stuffed clown. In the bathroom, I pretend to brush my teeth.

My grandpa gives me five dollars! I am the richest boy I have ever been!

All of the kids at my party are being loud. They are playing with all of my toys, including my new ones. There are too many. I'm crying now, in my room.

We're moving again We're crossing a bridge, I recognize it. The cat's are unhappy.

I woke up, graham cracker crumbs stuck to my back. How? Why? I didn't want this, why did it happen?